From: Prof Asafetida Lovage, BA*,MA*,MSc*,Dip.Bricklaying, PhD*; Happy Burger Inc. Chair, School of Cryptozoology; Chair of Faculty Littering Sub-Group
I write to inform you that the following item has been found in the corridor outside the room of Dr Ada Lamb, currently away on a mushroom-picking field trip on the Isle of Wight.
You are reminded of the University’s policy on environmental beautification.**
The item reads as follows:
Handkerchief, lace (bloodstained) – 1
Waistcoat, run-through – 1
Flame-retardant body suit, to be defumigated – 1
Polo-neck, black, with name tag reading ‘Giselle B.’ – 1
Lumberjack shirt, slightly charred – 1
Shroud, Turin – 1
Socks, fluffy – 2 pairs
Cordelia: Please take to dry cleaner’s ASAP! A.L.
** Para. 251a. Sub-clause f., University Regulations on Campus Despoilment and Beautification (amended, May 2014), reads: “Any person found guilty of littering within the grounds of the University (including, but not restricted to, the Happy Burger Nuclear Facility, the Piggery, the Humanities Beacon, and the Nexus Information Centre formerly Library) will be dismissed without right of appeal. Signed. A. Lovage (x).”