Dear Reader Fans Superfan,
A new day has dawned. Shiny and I were greeted by the night porter last night, and shown to our accommodation, where we slept the sleep of the pure of heart.
I awoke early, brushed off my Christian Laboutin heels, brushed Shiny, and set off, ready for the challenges ahead. The new term awaits. Staff await direction. Students flounder without me. I am now ready to assume my duties as Pro-Vice-Chancellor.
I glide, gracefully, across the strangely familiar parquet floors of the Humanities Lighthouse, ducking as I pass beneath the mock period beams (3/4 scale).
I come to my office door. I enter. I see, over the mantelpiece, the reassuring detail of an ersatz Jenny Haniver (The plaque reads: 二年级的学生, 抓住午睡).
No detail has been overlooked.
I pull back the curtains of the French doors leading onto the cobblestone courtyard.
A terrible face is pressed up against the window.
The face disappears. Then the French doors are pulled open.
A stout figure in a charcoal suit stands before me. The badge on her lapel reads, ‘Professor Jade Dragon, CEO, UWL Taizhou Branch’.
‘How delightful to meet you, dear Jade’, I say.
Jade does not move.
‘Ja-day’, she says. ‘It is Ja-day. Like the popstar of the 1990s.’
Dear Superfan, it may shock you to know that popular music has never been one of my strengths.
‘It is time for you to see the Erns’, says Jade.
‘I should be delighted to meet them’, I say.
There is a pause.
‘Walk with me’, says Jade.
She turns, and strides off in the direction of the Remembering Garden.
I follow her, dear Superfan, with the sound of heavenly music in my head.