Or else, dear Reader.

Much as it goes against my upbringing to issue crude threats, I am afraid I have no choice.

This morning as I took a tentative bite out of a snickerdoodle, I received an email from Brian the Bursar, referring all staff to an article in one of the Daily Hulusi’s rival publications.

Here I read of concerns about top academics abandoning the sinking ship to take up well-remunerated positions elsewhere.

Too late, I thought to myself, gazing at the UWL Taizhou commemorative Xmas mug given to me by my grateful staff.*

But buried in the small print, dear Reader, was the news that next year’s funding settlement would appear to be O.

Dear Reader.

I looked at Brian’s email, with its cheerful ‘Well, that’s life! Thanks for the last six years’ work on the REF and don’t come to me begging for more money. Tally-ho! B.’

There is nothing for it.

I am writing to Brian, dear Reader, inviting him to Christmas dinner with the Lambs.


*on which the words ‘Ada Lamb, Head of Runeolgy, PVC’, are inscribed in Lucida Blackletter, inside a big heart.


7 thoughts on “Show Me the Money, Brian Drian

  1. Give the poor chap a Snickerdoodle on his way out…it will either make him or break him. A little game of Taizhou Roulette would infuse some holiday cheer into the proceedings.

    1. If you refer to the ten foot blood-red cockerel decanter which arrived this morning in a crate covered in second-class stamps, postmarked Galway-Paris-Istanbul-Taizhou, marked ‘Eyes Only Dr Ada’, my dear, then I can only offer my thanks and say that I hope you enjoyed the cupcake I sent by return. As for re-gifting: I would never dream of such a thing. The Trojan Cockerel is the first thing visitors to my rooms shall see, now that I have manoeuvred it into place next to the hatstand.

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