Or else, dear Reader.
Much as it goes against my upbringing to issue crude threats, I am afraid I have no choice.
This morning as I took a tentative bite out of a snickerdoodle, I received an email from Brian the Bursar, referring all staff to an article in one of the Daily Hulusi’s rival publications.
Here I read of concerns about top academics abandoning the sinking ship to take up well-remunerated positions elsewhere.
Too late, I thought to myself, gazing at the UWL Taizhou commemorative Xmas mug given to me by my grateful staff.*
But buried in the small print, dear Reader, was the news that next year’s funding settlement would appear to be O.
I looked at Brian’s email, with its cheerful ‘Well, that’s life! Thanks for the last six years’ work on the REF and don’t come to me begging for more money. Tally-ho! B.’
There is nothing for it.
I am writing to Brian, dear Reader, inviting him to Christmas dinner with the Lambs.
*on which the words ‘Ada Lamb, Head of Runeolgy, PVC’, are inscribed in Lucida Blackletter, inside a big heart.