Like you, dear Reader, I have skimmed impatiently through Salty Bob’s latest overnight missive, my eyes resting briefly on the subject header ‘I CAN DO THIS FOREVER – THE CHOICE IS YOURS’.

Like you, dear Reader, I have put all thoughts of this ridiculous creature with the name of a cartoon character out of my head.

Like you, dear Reader, I want my coffee.

I open my office door.

There, brandishing an industrial office stapler, stands Salty. Salty glares at me, mutters, and scuttles back into his shell room.

Dear Reader, I continue towards the Happy Taizhou Happy Burger Café for my morning coffee, pausing only to slip a note under Salty’s door reminding him of his forthcoming PDR with me on Monday.

Just as I have reached the end of the corridor, dear Reader, I hear a terrible caterwauling.

I turn.

It is Lu-Seal, Deputy Under-Janitor, singing to herself as she does her morning rounds with mop and bucket.

I pause.

As I do, I see Lu-Seal’s mop handle catch the underside of Salty Bob’s article, which has now been enlarged to A2 size, and is decorated with a hand-drawn border of anchors and sailors’ knots.

Lu-Seal mops vigorously.

The article is torn from its place, industrial staples notwithstanding.

It falls, wafting from side to side, until it comes to rest in Lu-Seal’s mop bucket, and sinks under the bubbles.

Lu-Seal picks up her bucket and disappears round the corner.

Dear, dear Lu-Seal, I think to myself. Such a diligent mopper.

It is people like her that make a University tick.


*Professional Development Review.


4 thoughts on “A Tribute

  1. Dear Ada,

    Does the department have an industrial printer of a size such that Salty Bob could print out a substantially larger sheet of paper, or would he have to painstakingly divide the article into many segments, print them out individually, and join them together?

    Kind Regards,

  2. As I was taking coffee with Uncle Poindexter (lead guitarist in the infamous pop band Poindexter and the Pirates) and reading aloud to him from the Salty Bob Saga, I heard him growl: “Avast me hearty, if that scurvy old sea dog were aboard me ship, I’d show ‘im the end ‘o me cutlass and keelhaul the bilge rat!

    Uncle Poindexter is partial to a saucy wench.

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