How delightful to see you, dear Colleague, just when teaching is over and I thought I might have some time to devote to my seedlings.
I suppose you have come for a conference? Please do take a delegate pack. Now that you have found us you will see that it contains a map of Taizhou and surroundings, as well as the 2012-2013 Report of the University Health and Safety committee.
Dear Colleague, you have come at just the right time of year.
That low, buzzing sound you hear is the Humanities Beacon, positively thrumming with intellectual energy.
Through the small peephole on your left you will see the Canine Aesthetics Reading group, meeting for their colloquium on Virginia Woof.
Through the grille on your right you may catch a glimpse of the Société d’études lambiennes, kneeling around a totem pole which bears my own, ovine features.
Beyond that speakeasy hatch, dear Colleague, lies
a scene of ruin and despoliation the Happy Burger Happy Conference foodhall.
I would advise you not to look through that porthole. Salty is in there with the postgraduates.
And here we are at last, dear Colleague, walking through the rotating doors of the multi-million-yuan Asafetida Lovage Annexe, in which the annual Symposium of the Society of Windbaggers* is taking place.
The Someone Someone Distinguished Chair of Something is about to begin.
Am I staying, dear Colleague?
Oh no, dear Colleague. I am not.
The Strangler figs will not weed themselves.
And besides, a body is about to be discovered in the library.
*Motto: Put a Sock in It.