I come to you from the Information Nexus, where I have just cut the ribbon to open the Jade Dragon Short Loan & DVD Mausoleum.
As I glide back to my rooms, I am joined by Dr Jung, dear Sigismund’s successor.
He seems a little agitated.
‘Are you having those dreadful dreams again, dear Karl?’, I say. ‘Is it the archetype with the beard and the bosoms?’
‘But haven’t you heard?’, says Karl, panting a little as he hurries to keep up with me.
‘I have heard many, many things, dear Karl’, I say, gnomically.
‘There is terrible news!’, he cries. ‘Ser Basil has just realized that the 300-million pound Asafetida Lovage Student Experience Ski Resort with accompanying All-Weather Lid* must be paid for. The creditors are circling like sharks! The FBI have impounded Ser Basil’s helicopter and are swarming all over his vineyard! Someone called Chuck has been wearing a wire!’
‘How very confusing’, I say, calmly.
‘Student fees are to be doubled, and there will be a 150% increase in the cost of all burgers from the Happy Taizhou Happy Burger Catering Corps! But even that will not do! No! No!’
‘No?’, I say, exuding a Zen-like serenity.
‘No!’, shrieks Karl.
The bushes by the piranha pond rustle ominously.
‘Taizhou is to be merged with Astana campus! Recruitment for Runeology is to cease forthwith! 200 jobs will be lost! All redundancies are to be entirely voluntary! Voluntary, I tell you!’
At this, something whirrs by my ear. Poor, dear Karl clutches his chest, gasps, and topples into the piranha pond.
Dear Reader. I must speak to Ser Basil directly.
* Formerly Arts Faculty